A Surrendered Wife

Author Unknown
Californian Kathy Murray says she saved her marriage by giving up trying to control her husband. Despite considering herself a feminist, she follows – and now teaches others – the approach of a controversial book called The Surrendered Wife, which tells women to stop nagging their partners and start treating them with more respect.
The first time I married I was divorced by 26. I married for the second time at 32 but soon found myself sleeping in the guest room. My husband and I fought all the time.
Much of our fighting stemmed from the fact I thought my husband was clueless when it came to raising the children (we had four children between us aged from four to nine years old). We also quarrelled about how to manage our finances, and how often we made love.
I was working full-time as chief finance officer for a private school and also volunteered at my kids’ school and in my community. My husband was a sales rep for a construction company but I was the breadwinner and acted like I was in charge.
I didn’t tell anyone I was in constant conflict with my husband. I was embarrassed, angry and resentful.
The six principles of being a ‘Surrendered Wife’
Relinquishes inappropriate control of her husband. Respects her husband’s thinking. Receives his gifts graciously and expresses gratitude for him. Expresses what she wants without trying to control him. Relies on him to handle household finances. Focuses on her own self-care and fulfilment
My husband often resorted to watching TV and snuggling with our pets as I’d rage at him over ignoring my needs. I mean all men want sex right? Not my husband. He wanted nothing to do with me. It was awful.
The more I told my husband how he should be, the less he’d try. I couldn’t figure it out so I dragged him to marriage counselling. But that only made things worse, so we sent our children to counselling since they too bore the brunt of so much of our conflict. That didn’t work either.
So I went to counselling by myself and complained about my husband for more than a year. Spending thousands of dollars, only to find myself nearer divorce than when I started.
I’d cry, fight, yell and pout, thinking he would eventually come around, but he didn’t. I lost weight, went to the gym and started getting attention from men which was tempting to act on, but I knew I couldn’t do that, so I’d play the victim card and sulk. That didn’t work either
I was about to end my marriage when I picked up a book called The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I mean, they don’t teach us how to be successful in marriage in school and the women in my life didn’t share the secrets either.
It was incredibly humbling to recognise that I had something to do with why my marriage was failing and perhaps even why my first marriage failed. But it was also empowering.
I didn’t know I’d been disrespectful to my husband or even that I’d been controlling and critical.
I thought I was being helpful and logical. I just didn’t know that respect for men is like oxygen, so no wonder my husband was no longer interested in me sexually.
I’ll never forget the day I first apologised to my husband for being rude for correcting him in front of the children, or the day I said “whatever you think” when I’d previously been extremely opinionated about what he should do.
I had trained my husband to ask my permission for everything. And then complained about it for a year in counselling that he couldn’t make simple decisions!
I relinquished control of my husband’s life, choices and decisions and instead I focused on my own happiness. I was no longer acting like his mother and started acting like his lover.
We were fighting less and less and my husband started reaching out to hold my hand or pull me in for a kiss.
I had no idea that I was responsible for my own happiness. I thought my husband should make me happy.
I’ve now found subtle ways of getting my husband in the mood for sex, which is far more effective than the days of begging, crying or yelling about wanting it. Even if I’m not in the mood and he is, I often find myself getting in the mood just by being open to receiving pleasure.
My kids began to notice the change in our relationship too, and as a result, their behaviour improved and our home became peaceful and fun again.
Women often ask me if my approach is about dumbing myself down or becoming a submissive wife. I tell them I am a feminist. Surrendering is acknowledging you can’t change or control anyone but yourself. That’s empowering!
Meditation: Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. – 1 Peter 3:1-2
You will succeed because Jesus loves You!

26 Life Principles

?26 LIFE PRINCIPLES
A
?
ACCEPT
Accept others for
who they are and
for the choices they
have made even if
you have difficulty
understanding their
beliefs, motives
or actions.

B
?
BREAK AWAY
Break away from
everything that
stands in the way
of what you hope
to accomplish
with your life.

C
?
CREATE
Create a family
of friends whom
you can share your
hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and
happiness together.

D
?
DECIDE
Decide that you’ll be
successful & happy
come what may, and
good things will find
you. The roadblocks
are only minor
obstacles along
the way.

E
?
EXPLORE
Explore & experiment.
The world has much
to offer, and you
have much to give.
And every time you
try something new,
you’ll learn more
about yourself.

F
?
FORGIVE
Grudges only weigh
you down and inspire
unhappiness & grief.
Soar above it, and
remember that
everyone makes
mistakes.

G
?
GROW
Leave the childhood
monsters behind. They
can no longer hurt you
or stand in your way.

H
?
HOPE
Hope for the best
and never forget that
anything is possible
as long as you remain
dedicated to the task.

I
?
IGNORE
Ignore the negative
voice inside your head.
Focus instead on your
goals and remember
your accomplishments.
Your past success is only
a small inkling of what
the future holds.

J
?
JOURNEY
Journey to new worlds,
new possibilities, is
mostly by remaining
open-minded.
Try to learn something
new every day and you
will grow in Knowledge.

K
?
KNOW
Know that no matter
how bad things seem,
to be they will always
get better.
The harshest Winter
is always followed by
the Warmth of Spring.

L
?
LOVE
Let love fill your
heart instead of hate.
When hate is in your
heart, there is *NO* room
for anything else,
but when love is in
your heart, there’s
room for endless
happiness.

M
?
MANAGE
Manage your time and
your expenses wisely,
and you’ll suffer less
stress and worry.
Then you’ll be able to
focus on the important
things in life.

N
?
NOTICE
Never ignore the poor,
infirm, helpless, weak,
or suffering people.
Offer your assistance
when possible, and
always your kindness
and understanding.

O
?
OPEN
Open your eyes and
take in all the beauty
around you.
Even during the
worst of times,
there’s still much
to be thankful for.

P
?
PLAY
Never forget to have
fun along the way.
Success means nothing
without happiness.

Q
?
QUESTION
Ask many questions,
because you are here
to learn & be informed.

R
?
RELAX
Refuse to let worry
and stress rule your
Life, and remember
that things always
have a way of working
out in the end.

S
?
SHARE
Share your talent,
skills, knowledge,
and time with others.
Everything that you
invest in others will
return to you many
times Multiplied.

T
?
TRY
Even when your
dreams seem
impossible to reach,
try anyway. You’ll be
amazed by what you
can accomplish.

U
?
USE
Use your gifts to
your best ability.
Talent that is wasted
has no value. Talent
that is made into
efforts will bring
unexpected rewards.

V
?
VALUE
Value the friends and
family members who
have supported and
encouraged you & be
there for them as well.

W
?
WORK
Work hard every day
to be the best person
you aspire to be, but
never feel guilty if you
fall short of your goals.
Every sunrise offers
a second chance.

X
?
X-RAY
Look deep inside the
hearts of those around
you and you will see
the goodness and
beauty within.

Y
?
YIELD
Yield to commitment.
If you stay on track
and remain dedicated,
you will find success
at the end of the road.

Z
?
ZOOM
Zoom to a happy
place when bad
memories or sorrow
rears its ugly head.
Let nothing interfere
with your goals.
Instead, focus on
your abilities, in
your dreams, and
a brighter tomorrow.
Meditation: Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

The Waste in Worry

by Brad Stevens
If we were to keep a record of all the things we worried about during a given period of time, we would discover–in reviewing them–that the great majority of our anticipated problems or troubles never come to pass. This means that most of the time we devote to worrying, even the constructive kind that prompts us to try to come up with a solution to what is troubling us, is wasted. Thus, we not only caused ourselves unnecessary mental anguish, but also took up valuable minutes and hours that could have been spent elsewhere.
To avoid this, it is often necessary to subject potential sources of worry to the coldly objective and analytical light of reason. Once, shortly before a major concert before a standing-room-only audience, a member of Arturo Toscanini’s orchestra approached the great Italian conductor with an expression of sheer terror on his face. “Maestro,” the musician fretted, “my instrument is not working properly. I cannot reach the note of E-flat. Whatever will I do? We are to begin in a few moments.”
Toscanini looked at the man with utter amazement. Then he smiled kindly and placed an arm around his shoulders. “My friend,” the maestro replied, “Do not worry about it. The note E-flat does not appear anywhere in the music that you will be playing this evening.”
The next time we find ourselves in the middle of worrying about some matter, we might be wise to stop and ask ourselves what the odds are of the problem really coming to pass. We may be able to go on to something more constructive.
Meditation: And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? – Luke 12:25

You will succeed in Jesus Name!

You Are Amazing! (And I Can Prove It)

By Michael Murphy
Has anyone told you lately that you are truly amazing? Probably not unless you are one of the very blessed few who have at least one powerful encourager in your life that truly does care about you.
I was 6 feet tall when I was in the 7th grade. I weighed all of 140 lbs. Skinny doesn’t begin to describe it. Toothpick would come a little closer. With the unruly and wiry hair that I tried to grow long and fight to keep straight, most of my friends called me ‘Q-tip.’ You can imagine how that did wonders for my self esteem. Yeah, not much.
I was reminded by my father that I wasn’t planned when I was born. I guess not. Three kids in LESS THAN three years. My brother was two years old, about to turn three. My sister was one year old, nine days before she turned two.
My father suffered most of his life with what we now know as bi-polar disorder. Major moods swings and a plethora of attitudes that did not serve in my best interest (or anyone else’s for that matter.) He constantly reminded me that I was an “accident” and with the constant psychological abuse that he put on me, I felt more like an intruder on this planet than a little boy.
As I got older and begin to discover personal development and what it could do for me to heal my past and create my future, I begin to develop new beliefs about myself. What I discovered changed my life. I discovered that the facts proved that I was not an “accident”, but indeed, my life was/is a miracle.
I discovered through reading personal development books that the chances that I was ever conceived to begin with were tens of millions to one. In fact, I learned that I had beaten out somewhere between 10 and 90 million other ‘seeds’ that were all vying to fertilize one egg. Tens of millions of potential suitors and only one was going to get a date. In fact, the others were going to die. It wasn’t just a race and competition for affection. It was a battle for life.
Stop and think about this. If any other seed had fertilized that one egg, neither you nor I would be here right now. Ever wonder why you’ve always felt ”special”? Maybe you felt ”lucky”? Well, you gained access into the inner sanctum to fertilize the egg and millions others died off who didn’t make it.
I don’t know about you, but that fact alone makes me feel pretty amazing! Now I’m not asking to you believe in some kind of esoteric, metaphysical or spiritual concept. I’m sharing this as an established fact. Go check out these stats with a medical doctor. Now, if those odds haven’t made you feel as amazing as they make me feel, then think about this.
Go back five generations in your family. That would be to a great-great-great grandparent. Having extensive genealogy records for my family, I know who my great-great-great grandfather was and where he was born.
He was born in 1795 in Kentucky. Just 18 years after our country declared its independence. He met his wife by some set of circumstances, which I’m not aware of. Nonetheless, just imagine your own experience, or perhaps that of your parents (or grandparents) and know that the odds weren’t good that he and this particular woman got together.
Now add to the equation that the odds that they ever conceived and had the particular child that they had, were also in the one in several millions odds. Now, THAT child grew up and met someone else and the process goes on and on.
My point? Imagine the odds that you ever arrived here on this planet. Trillions to one. Your life is amazing. You may not feel like it. You may feel the lowest emotions that a human can feel. Nonetheless, the FACT remains that YOU ARE A MIRACLE!!!
Perhaps in another article, I’ll get into to the amazing biological, skeletal/muscular make up of your body (which is itself a miracle.) For right now, just allow yourself to consider and deeply think about, how YOU got HERE.
You, my dear friend, are no accident. You are amazing! You were a miracle the day you began your existence on this planet. And, you still are. Most people are never taught to love themselves.
Most people are never taught to really understand how awesome they really are. Through a lot of emotional and psychological damage that we get from very ill informed sources in this world, we never face the REALITY of who and what we really are.
I’m here, telling you, YOU ARE AMAZING! I know it. You have talents, skills, intelligence and heart to do miracles in your own life. You have potential that you haven’t even begun to tap into its power.
You’ve likely either forgotten or, you never knew how the facts that supports you as being a phenomenal being. Take some time today and think about what I’ve shared with you here. Think about the dreams, hopes, desires and incredible vision inside of your mind. I’m not asking you to ”believe” anything.
I’m just giving you the FACTS. You are amazing! You can do, be and have more than you’ve ever dreamed possible. Let yourself awakened to the TRUTH about you. Get your dreams off of the shelf and dust them off. Let them live again in your heart, soul and mind.
Keep believing that you can and will accomplish them. Then, expect them and watch your awesome life unfold.
Meditation: I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. – Psalm 139:14
You will succeed because Jesus loves You!

Wings To My Dreams

by Jaye Lewis
That next heartbeat, that’s what we pray for. We are the medically challenged. We are the ones who keep our medical appointments because we must. To miss that appointment is just unthinkable. We are the ones who stand, or wheel, or linger between each heartbeat, hoping for new medications or praying for a cure. Most of us pray every day. We cling to a merciful God whom we are certain will give us that next heartbeat.
Please do not feel pity, for we have learned to rejoice in each moment that we are alive. We memorize sunsets and sunrises, and we celebrate the smiles and nuances of the ones we love. We are captivated by life. We revel at each new bird that stops by to visit our feeders, even the starlings, the pigeons, the sparrows and the doves. In the mountains we feel blessed to see the bluebird, the indigo bunting, the woodpecker, and the thrush. In the south near the ocean, we rejoice over the plumage of the flamingoes, with their hot pink wings, and we have committed to memory the piercing cries of the pelican and the gull. Flowers thrill us, no matter their scent, shade or hue. Nothing delights us more than the sight of spring’s promise bursting forth from it’s long winter’s rest, petals lifting their heads and reaching for the rain and sun.
We sometimes need assistance, and some of us are blessed to have family and friends who are willing to haul the potting soil, build raised beds, and make a wonderland of colorful blooms, just so that we can watch from our window and marvel at their beauty. We survivors of life look back occasionally at our healthy days, and often we regret the times that we wasted on worry, depression, anger, and fear. So, many of us have gone beyond fear, to a brave new world of hope.
We are thankful for every new medication that has not only extended our lives, but has improved its quality. We would not be here, celebrating, without the miraculous drugs available today. We would not want to miss a single moment of our lives.
We have discovered that we can still grow and change. We have learned to love more and laugh more, and, frankly, life is worth it. How could it not be?!
Just this year, in spite of record breaking winter lows that left me shivering, and now, into a cold and windy spring all the tiny twigs that I planted six years ago have thrived, and they are bursting into bloom. Through sunshine and shadow, they have triumphed over the clay and rock strewn ground that I, laughingly, call soil.
I have many reasons to be thankful, and each day I like to number a few. Sometimes the list becomes so long that I just have to sit and marvel at a God who provides so many reasons for me to celebrate life. I have dreamed of writing stories, all my life, and reaching the hearts and minds of others throughout the world. This dream would not have been possible until a few years ago, when the internet exploded into a place of instant communication and friendship.
I am thankful for the stories of my life that have been guided by a loving God who holds the outcome of every possibility in His hand. These connections through his grace have given feet to my thoughts and wings to my dreams.

Meditation: Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. – Hebrews 10:23

You will succeed because Jesus loves You!

Reasons to be Thankful

Author Unknown
A rich man looked through his window and saw a poor man picking things from his trash bin. He said, “Thank God, I’m not poor.”
The poor man looked around and saw a naked man in lunatic displays on the street. He said, “Thank God, I’m not mad.”
The mad man looked ahead and saw an ambulance carrying a patient. He too said, “Thank God, am not on the sick bed.”
Then a sick person in the hospital saw a trolley taking a dead body to the mortuary. He said, Thank God, I’m not dead.”
Only a dead person cannot thank God. Why don’t you thank God today for all your blessings and for the gift of life? Don’t forget also the gift of another beautiful day.
To appreciate life better, you need to visit three places:

1. The Hospital
2. The Prison and
3. The Cemetery

At the hospital, you will understand that nothing is more beautiful than health. In the prison, you’ll see that freedom is the most precious thing. At the cemetery, you will realize that life is worth nothing. The ground that we walk on today will be our roof tomorrow.
We all come with nothing and we will go with nothing. Let us, therefore, remain humble and be thankful to God, at all times, for everything.
Meditation: For Sheol cannot thank You, Death cannot praise You; Those who go down to the pit cannot hope for Your truth. The living, the living man, he shall praise You, As I do this day… – Isaiah 38:18-19
You will succeed because Jesus loves You!

Naked Truth

Author Unknown
One day, a schoolteacher wrote the following equation on the board:
9×1=7
9×2=18
9×3=27
9×4=36
9×5=45
9×6=54
9×7=63
9×8=72
9×9=81
9×10=90
When he was done, he looked back at the students as they were all giggling because of the first equation which was wrong.
Then he said to them: “I wrote the first equation wrongly on purpose, because I wanted you to learn something important. This was for you to know how the world out there will treat you!
“You can see that I wrote the right thing nine times, but none of you congratulated me for those. But you all laughed and criticized me because of one wrong thing I did.
“The lesson here is: the world will never appreciate the good you do a million times, but will criticize the one wrong thing you do. So don’t get discouraged! Always rise above the laughter and criticism.
“Don’t look up to man; look up to God.”
Meditation: Do all things without complaining and disputing. – Philippians 2:14
You will succeed in Jesus Name!